Thursday, December 11, 2014

Restoring Joy

Yesterday was one of those moments where I knew I had fallen right on my face and God saw it all. Since being accepted for The World Race, sadly my real purpose and why I was doing it all slowly began to trickle away as the daunting task of raising money entered the scene. I knew that this was something that happened to a lot of people but I assured myself before I started the whole process that I wouldn't be one of those people. Yet here I was. I was at the point where I wasn't allowing God into the situation like I knew I was supposed to rather I was just trying to do it all on my own and for my glory. I was spending hours and hours writing letters and talking to people about it in hopes that they would support me financially but I didn't allow them to see the utter joy and love I had for the program. It became all about the money and how I was going to fundraise and this and that until I had lost sight of the why. Why I was even fundraising. Why I was going to giving up nine months of my life to go serve. It had all faded away once I began fundraising because the amount of money I had to raise seemed too big for me not to constantly be worrying about it. But with my loss of my purpose and why I was doing it all also went the joy I felt for it. I had let this huge price tag on the trip overcome my happiness and turn it all into a chore instead of embracing the process. But then God brought me today. Yesterday He showed me that joy and that fire I had when I first started the program, before all the money. He showed me the true passion I have for this mission and WHY I am doing it all. He reminded me that service is where my heart belongs and where I am feeling called to go. Just with a little help from something else, God was able to fully bring back all the joy and the excitement of the new adventure I am about to embark on. My t-shirt design had just been finished and although I was a little skeptical if anyone would even buy it, there went God again with his awesome plans. Within minutes I was receiving tons of text and comments on instagram telling me what sizes people wanted and how excited they were for me and my trip. But this was only the beginning of my restored joy. Later on in the night, I recieved a text from a very sweet friend of mine and this only added to the immense joy I was already feeling. He told me how proud and excited he was of me and how good the work I'm doing will be for the Lord and his Kingdom. He told me how we are called to share the good news and be a light to others and told me that is exactly what I am doing. My heart was overflowing with happiness. It was in that moment that I began to remember it all. I began to remember all the joy I felt when the journey first started and I got the call that I had been accepted on The World Race. And slowly but surely I began to remember the true purpose for doing all this; to love people. I had gotten so caught up in the financial part of it that I had forgotten to see how my heart was changing and growing towards this mission. I think it is easy to get caught up in the moment and to lose sight of what is really important. I'm so thankful for a God that knows exactly what I need when I need it and who loves me unconditionally even when I fall flat on my face. I know falling again towards only making money and having myself all funded may be inevitable, but I now know how easy it is to get sucked into that mentality and I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back to being in a state where I forget what its all for and why I am even raising this money and the first place. I now know that this is a hard journey, raising funds, but it is one that can bring me closer to God than I ever have before and restore my faith and trust in him. In the end, I know God is going to provide if this is where he wants me to be next year. So for right now, I'm remaining in that truth and letting myself feel the pure joy of it all.

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